Each week during the Rekindled Challenge, we are asking members of Faith Fellowship to share a memory, thought, or something God has taught them through their marriage. Check out Mark’s story.

“Sermons on Marriage…”. 

A quick Google search of that phrase will generate nearly 19 million results, ranging from marriage health, how to go about pursuing a relationship that will lead to marriage, how to live your life as a single person and the list goes on. 

Everyone has an opinion on the “right way” to go about singles and marriage, yet there is still a sense of uncertainty, confusion or angst among singles. In Chapter 7 of The Meaning of Marriage, Tim Keller addresses conceptions and outlines principles that the single Christian would do well to absorb.

Different backgrounds and seasons of life can lead to a wide spectrum of perceptions of marriage, ranging from under-valuing marriage, thus marginalizing the institution, to over-valuing it, leading to an idolatry of sorts. Regardless of circumstance, because of Christ’s ultimate victory, as Christians we have an ultimate hope that supersedes the hope we draw from any relationship on this side of Heaven. It is this ultimate hope that calibrates how we process emotions. Keller writes that “we should be glad of success, but not overly glad, and saddened by failure, but not too downcast, because our true joy in the future is guaranteed by God.”

This balance keeps us from being “engrossed” (1 Corinthians 7:31) by the things of this world. It is helpful to view marriage and singleness through the same lens…to be thankful for God’s current placement of us and to take each season’s unique ways to grow closer to Him.

So, as singles, how does that play out?

First, is to have the proper view of how a marriage relationship relates to our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Keller writes about the “Penultimate Character of Marriage,” that is, whatever importance we place on a future marriage relationship, it pales in comparison to the relationship we have with Christ. The believer who chases the illusion of “being completed by a spouse” while being single will be have the same empty pursuit in marriage as well. The single person would do well to “rest and rejoice in their marriage to Christ” so that they will be able to have a fulfilled and meaningful single life. 

Some practical advise from Chapter 7…

• “Recognize that there are seasons for not seeking marriage…” Starting a new job, dealing with loss, or working through a significant event in your life are examples of times it might not be a great time to start a relationship, and that is OK. Sometimes, Christian friendship is more necessary than romance.

• “Understand the gift of singleness…” When Paul uses the word “gift,” he means an ability God gives to build others up. Just as an any other situation, how can we leverage our current situation in a way that builds up the kingdom?

• “Get more serious about seeking marriage as you get older” There are certain responsibilities that come with dating as life progresses. Be cognizant of the other person’s feelings toward dating, and don’t be shocked if someone is looking to get married more quickly the older they get. Painful situations can arise when there are two conflicting expectations as far as timetables.

The ultimate purpose of singlehood is not to race to some matrimonial finish line. Your time in a singles ministry is not to “graduate” to the Young Marrieds class. God is allowing you to be single. What an opportunity we have.

Take advantage of it, leverage it and grow in ways that this season uniquely affords.