Elders and Marriage

Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach… - 1 Timothy 3:2

In 1 Timothy 3:2, the apostle Paul writes that an elder (or overseer, pastor) should be “the husband of one wife.” What does he mean by this?

Sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach — these are fairly self-explanatory. But citing “the husband of one wife” as a qualification to be an elder could mean quite a few things.

• It could mean that the elder must be married in order to serve as an elder.

• It could mean that the elder can only be married once in his lifetime in order to serve as an elder.

• It could mean that the elder must be monogamous, as in he must have one only one wife instead of multiple wives, in order to serve as an elder.

• It could mean that the elder must be faithful, emotionally and sexually, to his wife.

This is important for us to get right as a church. If we contend that this list of qualifications in 1 Timothy 3 is a part of the job description for our elders (which we do), then how we interpret this particular phrase will determine who we raise up to serve as elders. Really, it is a question of who is in the potential elder pool in our church. Are single men qualified to serve as elders? What about guys who have been divorced or widowed and are now remarried? It’s a phrase that is loaded with some pretty big policy and formation implications.

In the following paragraphs, we break down how we interpret the phrase “the husband of one wife.” Up front thought, here’s where we land on this. At Faith Fellowship, when we are considering elders, we believe that what the apostle Paul means is the fourth bullet point above — that the elder must be faithful, emotionally and sexually, to his wife.

An elder must be married? Probably not.

As in most things, when it comes to interpreting the Bible context is king. For instance, consider the following statement, “He is fast.” The word “fast” has a variety of definitions.

Fast can mean speedy or quick. Fast can mean abstaining from food. Fast can mean promiscuity. Fast can also mean immovable or fixed, as is the case in one of our favorite hymns “He Will Hold Me Fast.” Which of these four definitions do we mean when we say, “He is fast”? It depends on the context! Grammar as well as how it is used in the situation it is describing is a part of determining what is meant when we say, “He is fast.”

Similarly, in the case of the phrase “husband of one wife”, those who hold to the view that a man must be married in order to be an elder typically appeal to the context of the passage in 1 Timothy 3 for support. In this case, 1 Timothy 3:4-5:

4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?

The logic goes that if an elder is going to oversee the local household of God (the church), then it would stand to reason that the elder should oversee his own household as well. Think of it like considering previous experience in a job application — if an elder can’t manage his own family well and with dignity, how could an elder be expected to manage the church well and with dignity?

Another piece of evidence that what Paul means is an elder should be married is that his opponents in the region were forbidding marriage (1 Tim. 4:3) and sexual promiscuity was rampant (2 Tim. 3:6). A requirement for elders to be married would help to nullify these problems.

That said….

While this view is compelling in some respects, it is unlikely for two reasons: grammar and, ironically, context.

Grammatically, the way that Paul emphasizes the phrase “one wife” suggests that he is more likely contrasting the idea of more than one wife rather than one or no wife. What that basically means is that if he wanted to say that a man must be married to serve as an elder, there is a simpler and more likely way he would have written it.

Contextually, to be consistent with verse 4-5 (which is required for this interpretation) the elder would be required to have children — in fact as it is written, multiple children, plural. Well, that’s a bit of a problem for some obvious reasons. Not the least of which being that this is a list of moral qualifications for elders. Whether it is an elder in the first century or 21st century, if he is unable to have children because a medical issue with him or his wife, it is not a moral qualification.

Further, this view is unlikely given the fact that Paul himself was not married (1 Cor. 7:7) and that he encourages those who have the gift of singleness remain single so that they can be better devoted to the Lord (1 Cor. 7:8). For these reasons, it seems very unlikely that the requirement of marriage is what Paul intended.

An elder must be married only once? Probably not.

Some interpreters argue that the phrase “the husband of one wife” prohibits a second marriage for an elder under any condition whether by death or divorce. Others who fall into this category understand the phrase to prohibit a second marriage only if the first ends in divorce.

Arguments for this view typically rely on the teachings from a book that was popular in the early church called “The Shepherd of Hermas.” In regard to remarriage after divorce, this book taught that if a man divorces his unfaithful wife and marries again, he is actually committing apostasy, or renouncing the faith. In regard to remarriage after death, it states that the surviving spouse may remarry, but if he or she remain single, “he investeth himself with more exceeding honor.”

To be clear though, this was a popular book that was quite influential in the early church up until the 3rd century, but it has never been considered part of the inspired canon of Scripture. That is, in part, the real issue with this interpretation — it doesn’t take into account the rest of the Bible. For instance, in a previous letter Paul wrote to the Corinthian church that remarriage isn’t necessarily sinful when the marriage covenant has been broken (1 Corinthians 7:9). Further, Andreas Kostenberger, that textual wizard, draws a parallel between both times the phrase “the husband of one wife” is used in 1 Timothy, 1 Timothy 3:2 in regard to elders serving in the church and 1 Timothy 5:9 in regard to widows eligibility for church support. The phrases are exactly the same grammatically. In the instance of 5:9, the phrase cannot indicate a prohibition of polyandry since it describes a woman left without a husband.

The knockout blow to this argument though is that this list of qualifications is for a man’s current situation. For instance, this list of qualifications does not mean that a man can't be an elder if they have ever been drunk, or have ever been quick-tempered, or have ever been arrogant. If that’s the case, then every man would be disqualified from being an elder. Instead, what Paul is talking about is a man’s life now in Christ. It is not that the man’s background is unimportant, but rather that no former misdeed — like, I dunno, persecuting the church and breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord (Acts 9:1) — necessarily disqualifies a man from serving in this capacity.

An elder must be monogamous? I mean, yes, but probably not what it means.

The third interpretation is that the elder must be monogamous, or married to only one woman. What this means is that if we are interviewing a perspective elder candidate and ask him to tell us a little about his wife and he says, “Which one?”, he is not going to be an elder at Faith Fellowship.

When Paul wrote this letter to Timothy, Jewish, Greek, and Roman cultures practiced polygamy. Fun fact: in 393 A.D., the Christian emperor Theodosius actually enforced monogamy in the Roman Empire through a decree called the Lex Antoniana de civitate because people still practiced polygamy.

However, even though polygamy was a practice during this time, it was not necessarily a widespread and common practice. That is why the sin of polygamy, though it would disqualify someone from being an elder, was probably unnecessary to be included in a list like this.

An elder must be faithful, emotionally and sexually, to his wife? Yes. This one.

“mias gunaikos aner”

Those are the Greek words for “husband of one wife.” The literal rendering of the phrase “mias gunaikos aner” is a one-woman man. What that means is that the man who is being considered for eldership is emotionally and sexually faithful to his spouse. He does not look at pornography. He does not flirt with his secretary. He does not sleep around. He is faithful in every way to his wife.

Stylistically, this interpretation makes the most sense as well. All of the qualifications in this list are more moral and character traits. It would make sense that the phrase, “the husband of one wife”, would similarly be about integrity and virtue. It wouldn’t make sense to have a qualification about marital status (whether the man is single, divorced, or widowed) in this list.

This is why we interpret “the husband of one wife” to mean that a man is faithful, emotionally and sexually, to his wife. Granted, no one has a fairy-tale and friction-free marriage, however if he is to be qualified to serve as an elder and is married, an elder will have a love and a faithfulness toward his wife. This interpretation applies to single men who aspire to be elders as well.

Conclusion

At Faith Fellowship, we maintain that Paul’s intention for this particular qualification is that an elder, regardless if he is married or unmarried, should be above reproach in his moral and sexual behavior. We’re not saying we have it all figured out (and we may very well have it wrong), but from a historical, grammatical, and practical perspective, it seems that the only disqualification for an elder regarding the phrase “the husband of one wife” would be emotional and sexual unfaithfulness.