How to Talk to Guests

The opening line, “Is this your first time?” can often put a first-time guest on the defensive. It’s a knee-jerk reaction to a question that makes them feel like an outsider and scramble to build a narrative that bridges the gap between you and them. We should do everything we can to take the burden of awkwardness off of their shoulders and place it onto ours. And that translates even into the small details of beginning a conversation.So let’s say you’ve spotted that first-timer across the lobby. How do you begin the conversation? Here are a few suggestions:

Foundational Principles

• Allow for anonymity. Not everyone wants to be recognized on their first visit. Our goal as Frontlines is to provide clear, obvious next steps that people can choose as they wish, at the pace they are comfortable with.

• Acknowledge the outsider. We encourage Frontlines volunteers to smile at everyone, speak to most, and engage with a few. Those acknowledgements can lead to a deeper conversation.

• Watch body language. One slight pause…one lingering moment of eye contact…one appearance of confusion or uncertainty is a place for a volunteer to step in and offer to help.

• Absorb the awkwardness. There’s a fine line in how you ask people questions. There is a big difference in asking “Are you new?” and “I don’t believe we’ve met yet.” It’s subtle yet significant distinction when we place the burden of unfamiliarity back on our own shoulders. As we create environments where guests and members are open to God’s Word, one of our jobs is to be willing to take the awkwardness on ourselves.

• Don’t assume. If you have been going to Faith Fellowship for awhile, you're probably familiar with your surroundings. There’s a tendency to assume others are as well. Whether it’s the location of restrooms or the definition of small groups, we tend to assume our familiarity to almost every situation. We should lead our guests by helping them connect dots and fill in blanks.

Practical Suggestions

• Walk slowly through the crowd. Making a beeline toward a first-time guest can make them feel like “I’m not sure we’ve met.” By using this line, you’re shouldering the responsibility for knowing them, acknowledging that you may have met before, and giving them an opportunity to open up in conversation.

• Assess their longevity. Now is the time to figure out how long they’ve been around, so that you can best help them. After initial small talk, you can ask, “How long have you been attending?” If they answer a few months or more, you have the opportunity to see how their connection process is going. If they say a few weeks or less or this is my first day, can suggest a simple next step.

• Don’t assume their desire for proximity. Some guests may prefer to fly solo on their first visit without a concierge from the Welcome Tent. Others may really be looking for a friend. You can help with this by asking if they have someone to sit with, someone to go to lunch with, someone they’re meeting, etc.

• Find a way to follow up. Remember their name and make a point to find them after the service just to check in. If appropriate, give them your contact info or swap for theirs. The first visit is a big deal, yes, but it’s often what happens just after the first visit, like a personal note, that will determine whether a guest comes back.