Adopted and Stepgrandchildren

Grandchildren are looking at grandparents for hope and safety. Some children have watched their parents go through a divorce, some inherited parents with their new mom or dad, and others joined the family through adoption.

These situations may seem difficult and confusing, but god sees them as an opportunity for you to expand your vital and important role as a grandparent. If you find yourself with step-grandchildren or adopted grandchildren, consider these four suggestions.

Take the Honor of Stepping Up

There are few greater acts of love than giving a child your heart, your home and your name. It is a loving illustration of how God adopts us into His family. Jesus said it best when He spoke of the great honor of loving and accepting children in Matthew 18:5-6: Whoever welcomes a little child like this in my name, welcomes me.” Adopted and step-grandchildren need to be welcomed into a family and be be able to say these words, knowing they are receiving all that these amazing gifts have to offer: grandma and grandpa.

Take God’s Perspective

In the book of Genesis, God established a family relationship with Abraham. He made a covenant with him and his descendants, who would be the future nation of Israel. Throughout the Old Testament, Israel is referred to as the children of God. When God sent His Son Jesus to pay the price for our sins on the cross and then validated His finished work by raising Him from the dead, He established His New Covenant with His people which extends further than the boundaries of His original relationship with Israel. The offer of adoption into God’s family is extended now to all people!

God expects grandparents to treat adopted and step-grandchildren the way He treats His own. He extends unconditional, lavish love to all of us. The circumstances that created the blended family might not be ideal and choices made by adults involved may have been misguided and even wrong, but children had nothing to do with it and are are often collateral damage.

God offers love, mercy, grace and acceptance to all members of HIs blended family and when it comes to accepting adopted and step-grandchildren, we should take our cues from Him!

Take it Slow

It is important to move carefully, building a deliberate and patient relationship with new grandchildren, letting them determine the speed at which the relationship develops. Because most of them aren’t infants, grandparents may not have the advantage of bonding with them from the beginning. In some cases too, they may be viewed as a part of the fallout of the the divorce of their parents.

Another part of taking it slow is allowing the previous primary relationships to continue without any threat is important as well. Thinking of a blended family as a series of concentric circles of relationship that overlap is helpful. A new circle does not replace any existing relationship but adds new opportunities to love people within each circle.

Take the High Road

Never pit children and grandchildren against an ex-spouse. Unless there is a real possibility of danger or abuse, grandparents should see themselves as God’s instrument to bring healing and hope. When it comes to harmony in blended families, grandparents have a responsibility to do what they can to make everyone feel welcome.

This type of responsibility is hard to take on when wounds are fresh and hurt is still present. Further, because os various reasons for the new family configuration, family harmony may be a long way away. However, it should be the goal of mature adults to try to achieve this harmony. Often, it takes enormous amounts of grace too see harmony in blended families, but the peace and the security of the grandchildren are all the reason people need to bury the hatchet and forget where it is buried.

For more ideas on how to relate to teenage grandchildren , check out Extreme Grandparenting: The Ride of Your Life by Tim and Darcy Kimmel.