Babysitting with a Purpose

Keep the Big Picture in Focus

As grandparents are watching over grandchildren, the bigger role of spiritual formation should be kept in mind. These informal times might look like babysitting to some people, but to grandparents they are opportunities to build into young lives the kind of love, mercy, and grace that can sustain them long after they are gone.

The time that grandparents spend with their grandchildren while their parents are away can and should always be fun! However, fun and formation don't have to be mutually exclusive. Leverage this valuable time spent with grandchildren toward memories and lessons that will leave them a standard to emulate and a legacy for eternity. For fun ideas to keep the big picture in focus, check out Idea Cards on the FFC website.

Be an Ally to the Parents

• Respect the parent's rules: Babysitting grandchildren isn't an opportunity to override quirky parenting styles you may not agree with. If a child isn't allowed to watch a certain TV show at home or the parents are trying to limit sugar intake, respect their parenting decisions.

• Diffuse jealousy: It is not uncommon for jealousy to develop in parents toward grandparents. Grandchildren may behave better for grandparents than they do for their own parents. Grandparents may also get to witness several "firsts" that parents wanted to see. Responsibility for gracious behavior starts at the top so time with grandchildren should build up rather than undermine the parents.

Discipline with Grandkids

• Discuss discipline parameters with parents: Discipline should always be discussed and agreed upon by the parents. Bear in mind that grandparents have a special relationship with their grandchildren that needs to be protected too.

• Be creative and consistent: Forms of discipline to consider are time-outs, no TV, loss of privilege, or an eye-to-eye talk depending on what has been discussed with parents.

• Reassure them of love and security: Reassuring them of love and security communicates that your love is not conditional, there is a clean slate and grandchildren are much more likely to obey next time.

Set Boundaries for Yourself

• Don't be afraid to say "no": Sometimes grandparents have to tell their children "no." It might stem from schedule conflict, a lack of energy, or the parents are taking advantage of the situation. In these situations, clear and grace-filled communication is key.

• Clearly and directly communicate: Let parents know in advance when you have to cancel or are not going to be available. It might also be necessary to have a heart-to-heart with your children out of earshot of your grandchildren to let them know that as much as you love helping, you also have commitments to your spouse, friends, etc. Consider telling them when babysitting works for you.

Some Questions to Consider

1. In what practical ways have you made your home safer or more inviting for your grandchildren? Why do you think that your home is a place that your grandchildren want to visit? Or if they live with you, how have you made your home a home for them?

2. Are there any rules that your children have for your grandchildren that require you to adjust how you would handle the issue or situation? How are you doing at honoring their wishes?

3. What are some ways that you can help take care of your grandchildren and not feel taken advantage of? Have you effectively established that balance with your children? If not, how could you begin that conversation?