Dealing with Your Child’s Divorce

Well over half of all grandparents have or will face the problem of their child's divorce. Grandparents represent stability that children desperately need. Too often, parents are so wounded that it takes years before they are able to provide the emotional and spiritual help their children need during or after a divorce. Fortunately, God gave the family grandparents! Consider these 3 suggestions if your children are going through a divorce.

Get Perspective on the Situation

• Don't beat up on yourself: It's easy to wonder if you contributed to the divorce but the reality is that beating up on yourself will do nothing to change the situation.

• Find an outlet for your own pain: Leaning on the prayers, encouragement and advice of friends will enable you to support your children and grandchildren better.

• Remember that your grandchildren need you most: Your grandchildren are the ones bearing the brunt of the pain because they won't be able to process the pain like adults. Divorce attacks their need for love, security and purpose. However, grandparents can fill that void!

Protect the Relationship

• Maintain neutrality around your grandchildren: Don't take sides or pit your grandchildren against a particular parent. This will not only help them in the healing process but will also preserve access to them.

• Be a safe place for them to process emotions: Often, grandchildren just need someone to listen to them. This is less about giving advice and more about understanding and reassuring.

• Protect your legal rights to them: A situation may arise where a parent may deny you contact with your grandchildren. This is when you may have to look into your legal rights. All 50 states have some type of grandparent visitation statute.

Come Alongside the Parents

• Avoid severing the relationship: No matter what they have done to you, the possibility remains that someday they may want to cross that bridge you have haft open and seek forgiveness.

• Be the mature adult: Paul urges us in Galatians 6:1: "Brothers, if someone is caught in sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently." As the grandparent, you could play a major role in the way that your children and grandchildren process the divorce. God could use you to provide the stability and hope that not only helps them through this difficult time, but also have much to smile about once they are through it.

9 Things for the Road

1. Make sure you have a support system and outlet

2. Let your adult child and his/her spouse know you are available for them in this difficult time.

3. Be the stable, calm reassuring adult your grandchild needs.

4. Make sure your grandchildren know that the divorce is not their fault and you will never abandon them.

5. Be available to answer questions.

6. Don't speak negatively about their parents in front of them.

7. Devote extra time to praying for your children and grandchildren.

8. Regardless of distance, be in contact with your grandchildren often.

9. Frequently reassure your grandchildren of your love, their parent's love, and God's love for them.