Relating to Teenage Grandchildren

Sadly, the last thing a lot of grandparents want to do is willingly spend time with their teenage grandchildren. And sometimes it is a two-way street; a lot of teenagers aren't all that crazy about logging in time with their grandparents either! However, at this time in their lives when virtues and values are colliding, teenagers need someone they can trust and who believes in them.

Before stepping up to this role, consider these three mistakes that grandparents sometimes make when it comes to spending time and helping their grandchildren process their wild and confusing time in the teenage years.

Mistake One: Imitate Them

• Be confident in your wisdom: If grandparents have walked in the light of God's truth longer than everyone else in their family, they should be the ones who have the most unflinching and uncompromising confidence in it. Those who have walked with Jesus for a long time should have something to say about what its like!

• Model security and maturity to them: Your grandchildren have all kinds of irresponsible people influencing them. They need to have the confidence that when they are around their grandparents, they will see a torch of righteousness that is always lit, always bright, and always held high!

Mistake Two: Ignore Them

When grandchildren are ignored, they feel as if grandparents don’t want to see them. Sometimes this feeling of being ignored simply comes from the ways that grandparents prioritize their lives. If they move away, often travel, or seldom make more than token contact with their grandchildren on their own terms, the relationship can seem superficial and shallow. Sadly, grandchildren often can’t help interpret a lack of involvement from grandparents in their lives as a statement of unworthiness, as in, “What is it about me that Grandma or Grandpa don’t like?”

Mistake Three: Put Them Down

When grandparents put their teenage grandchildren down, several things happen, and none of which are good.

• Teenagers walls go up: Putting teenagers down reinforces the their opinion that their grandparents have no idea where they are coming from and that they are unwilling to do anything about it. Additionally, they will most likely view grandparents as irrelevant and unreliable when it comes to helping them sort out their world.

• Grandparents ability to be intentional in their teenage grandchildren’s spiritual formation is diminished: Putting teenagers down is the opposite way that Jesus would deal with someone who is unique in age, culture or worldview. Consider how Jesus engaged our culture: For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn (put down) the world, but to save the world through Him. (John 3:17). No doubt Jesus was disturbed by things He saw in people’s lives, however He focused on their value as people made in the image of God and their need for redemption.

Grandparents might be disturbed by what they see or hear in their teenage grandchildren’s lives. However, rather than putting them down, grandparents are called to engage with their teenage grandchildren and, to the extent they can, walk with them through the complexities of the teenage years. Grandchildren may not yet know Jesus, but grandparents can play a strategic role in their spiritual journey by not putting them down.

When grandparents resist being known as an ongoing critic of their teenage grandchildren’s music, styles and preoccupations, they give them a clear look at the heart of God.

For more ideas on how to relate to teenage grandchildren , check out Extreme Grandparenting: The Ride of Your Life by Tim and Darcy Kimmel.